Transformers: Prime Crack Fic
by deathoftoast
Summary: Both the Autobots and Decepticons find they desire the same thing...


**Transformers: Prime Crack Fic**

Ratchet typed quickly, finding his fears had come to pass. "Optimus," he spoke nervously, "The Decepticons…they have taken over"

The leader walked slowly to the console, a slight frown marring his facial features. "This is problematic old friend, the location in question is the key to winning the war"

"I agree. With all the strategic possibilities being in the Decepticon's hands…" the medic sighed, awaiting the order he knew was coming.

"Autobots! Roll out!" Optimus commanded, turning to the rest of the team and leading them to the ground bridge.

As the four Autobots drove out of the green portal, they all transformed back into robot mode and took in the scene.

In the distance, they spotted the sleek red medic, Knock Out, examining the ground around him carefully. By his side were his blue assistant, Breakdown, and the slim second in command, Starscream, both staring intently at his work.

Moving steadily closer, Optimus spotted the reason they were here. He shot at the Decepticons, forcing the three of them to jump back in surprise, revealing a large crack in the ground that the medic had been looking into.

"I claim this crack in the name of the Autobots!" Optimus proudly proclaimed.

Without warning, Megatron landed in front of the Autobot leader, glaring daggers at him. "This crack is my property _Autobot_…" he sneered, "Stop staring at my crack like that!" he punched at Optimus angrily, forcing him to retreat slightly. "Quit looking at my crack!"

"Well you shouldn't have left it so exposed!" Optimus readied himself for the fight he knew was coming, "If you didn't want us to look at it, you should have covered it up!"

"Decepticons! Protect my crack!" Megatron yelled as he ran towards the Prime before him.

Breakdown nodded and rushed for Bulkhead, ready to fight his rival. "I'll crack you in half!" he laughed as they began wrestling each other.

"_We _**need**_ that crack!_" Ratchet yelled over the Autobot's communications, forcing Arcee and Bumblebee to run in and join the action.

Before he could comprehend the situation, Bumblebee found Starscream flying straight at him, an evil grin across his features. Bumblebee beeped and whirred desperately, finding the air commander throw him towards the crack.

Before she could aid her friend, Starscream then focussed on Arcee, firing many shots at her.

Bumblebee flailed desperately, managing to grab the edge of the crack before falling in, quickly pulling himself up.

"Ewwww…you touched Megatron's crack" Knock Out sounded disgusted, "I wouldn't dream of touching it with my hands…I only probed it"

Bumblebee looked down at his hands in concern, beeping nervously before edging over to Bulkhead, who was still wrestling with Breakdown, and wiping them off on his back.

"Gross! Crack germs!" Both Breakdown and Bulkhead shuddered at the same time.

Megatron growled in response. "Fools! My crack is completely clean and hygienic…I checked!"

Optimus dove at Megatron once more, forcing the tyrant to the floor. With their combined weight, the ground shuddered lightly, and a second crack began to form next to the original.

"Oh my…a crack pairing!" Knock Out gasped.

"Whoever controls both cracks controls the world!" Megatron chuckled, "And clearly, these are Decepticon cracks!"

From the second crack, a shadowy figure emerged, causing Bumblebee to beep fearfully.

"What is it Bumblebee? Can't you see I'm trying to win back my crack?" Optimus continued pushing against Megatron.

"Optimus!" Arcee screamed, "A CRACK SPIDER!"

Knock Out looked utterly repulsed at the idea. "How cracked in the head do you have to be to live in a crack?"

Airachnid hissed, "Who dares to steal MY crack?"

Arcee escaped Starscream and landed in front of her, ready to shoot. "If you love the crack so much, why don't you live in it?"

"I already was! To me, home is where crack is!" Airachnid began fighting Arcee by this point.

"Let's get cracking!" Bulkhead smirked, lifting Breakdown above his head and throwing him towards Knock Out.

As he landed, the ground shuddered violently, the second crack cracking a bit more.

"Crack energies at optimum levels sir!" Knock Out declared as he overlooked the two cracks.

"Let's end this" Megatron growled at his opponent, launching himself to land with the other Decepticons. "Decpeticons! CRACK ATTACK!"

All of the Decepticons drew their weapons, ready to fire.

"Autobots! Don't crack under the pressure!" Optimus ordered swiftly, "We'll out crack them!"

All the transformers fired, creating a massive explosion, which threw all of them backwards.

The two cracks caved in under the force.

"NO! My crack and Airachnid's crack have become a windy valley! They are totally useless to us now!" Megatron yelled.

Optimus frowned, "Indeed, we all know that all windy valleys are good for is emitting gasses most foul"

Knock Out was once again disgusted. "Ewwwww….that's even worse than Megatron's crack!"

Realising the battle was lost, all the Autobots and Decepticons flew away.

Optimus turned to Bumblebee and smirked. "Well, at least we had a cracking good time!"

Bumblebee grinned in response, "Heh…you crack me up" he stated joyfully.

**That about cracks it up folks!**


End file.
